Nintendo Releases Branded Lunchables To Heal The Horrors Of This World

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Nintendo and the Kraft Heinz Company have announced an agreement to produce Nintendo-themed Lunchables snack kits beginning on Sept. 1, 2020, in an apparent effort to bring healing to a broken planet.

Select Lunchables packages will feature fan-favorites from  Animal Crossing: New Horizon, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening, Super Mario Odyssey and Splatoon 2 games, as well as the Pokémon Sword Expansion Pass and Pokémon Shield Expansion Pass DLC. The characters, unlike us, live in bright, cartoonish worlds where nobody ever dies or feels lonely.  

Fans who purchase the snacks can discover special codes inside each box that can be redeemed online for the chance to win a Nintendo Switch prize pack. Even when the codes do not result in a prize, fans will reportedly feel a wondrous, if temporary, sense of relief as they divert their attention from macabre tragedies playing out on the world stage.

While the press release doesn’t explicitly mention partisan violence, worldwide pandemics, conspiracy theories, or raging wildfires, Nintendo’s Animal Crossing Lunchables should allow Zoomers and Millennials to connect with each other over mini-charcuteries of crackers, American cheese, and processed meats.

The world may be burning, but at least it brought snacks.

“Kids with an appetite for adventure have a chance to win a Nintendo Switch prize pack and other rewards with specially marked Lunchables packages,” a press release from the companies announced, implicitly suggesting that the snacks will allow us to turn off the news, hug one another, and finally begin healing. 

A character from the Nintendo game Animal Crossing displays a starfish. Text on the screen reads
A character from Animal Crossing displays the type of blithe naivete only possible in an imaginary world. © Nintendo of America, Inc.

“LUNCHABLES has always had a special approach to making lunchtime fun for kids and parents,” said Nick Chavez, Nintendo of America’s Senior Vice President of Sales and Marketing, who, like all of us, has been living in a constant state of anxiety and fear for the last four months. “We’re happy they can enjoy lunch with Nintendo characters by their side.”

“We’re excited to partner with Nintendo again to bring more mixed up fun to every mealtime” said Katie Hunstad, Associate Director of Marketing at Kraft Heinz, the company responsible for nearly every positive food-related memory of your childhood. “This year, we’re adding new ways to get in on the LUNCHABLES Gaming Together Giveaway, using recognizable Nintendo characters to give fans even more lunchtime fun.”

At press time, neither company had responded to our request for information on when all the bad men will go away and whether or not we can have our juice boxes on the couch.

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