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"One of my cats stares at the spice rack every night at exactly 8:00. Every night."
"International flight. Abscess on my tailbone. Stuck next to the world's smelliest kid. Headrest TV wasn't working."
The miracle of birth isn't always drama free.
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"Later, he mentioned how he ‘didn't know how I could take those things. ...They're just so damn hard to swallow.’ I almost died laughing. This moron swallowed two Tums whole.”
Oh yeah, did we mention we've got bedbugs? Nothing to worry about. Trust us.
“Don't leave anyone at the altar, please.”
"She had already swallowed a lot of water. I risked my own life, because my weight with hers could have been too much. ...The lady later sued me."
“To this day, when I think about my wedding, I tear up. She ruined it and didn't even feel sorry for it.”
We bet you didn’t know that Matt Damon was in...everything.
“A patient comes in with abdominal pain. ‘I think it’s my gallbladder,’ they say. Looking over their chart, I see their gallbladder was removed 20 years ago ... I mention this, to which they reply, ‘Yeah, but it grew back.’”
“The night of our rehearsal dinner, she stood up and said that she wanted to say something. We all assumed she was making a toast."
"I, to this day, remain angry that the woman was rewarded for throwing a hissy fit.”