Pro tip: If you’re going to be an idiot, try to be discreet.

Meet Elwood R. Gutshall III of Newville, Pennsylvania. He allegedly made the horrible decision to drive drunk, and he’s not doing anything to help his own case.

Gutshall was arrested while wearing a “Drunk Lives Matter” t-shirt, in a clear victory for whatever company makes these things. 

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The 44-year-old was pulled over for a routine traffic stop, but when officers approached the vehicle, they immediately smelled alcohol.

“After subsequent investigation it was determined the driver was under the influence of alcohol beyond what he could safely operate a motor vehicle,” police wrote. We’re guessing the “subsequent investigation” included “reading the man’s chest.”

Gutshall was taken into custody for a legal blood draw.

The blood test revealed a BAC of 0.217, more than twice the legal limit. Gutshall also had a suspended license, and needless to say, he was arrested on the spot.

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As Penn Live reports, Gutshall was charged with “the highest level” of DUI, along with driving under suspension and (of course) traffic violations.

Mr. Gutshall isn’t the first person to advertise his poor judgment right across his chest. Nor, we fear, will he be the last. In a completely unrelated (but entirely too similar) story, meet Harrison Wootton, age 25.

Wootton, who lives in Woodstock, Connecticut, crashed his car into a graveyard wall on the morning of April 10, 2017. He was allegedly drunk. We say “allegedly” because everyone’s innocent until proven guilty.

Even this guy.

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Yes, Wootton was wearing a “Hold My Beer and Watch This” shirt, which is exactly the type of thing you’d say before plowing your vehicle into a cemetery at 1:20 in the morning. Wootton’s vehicle was also unregistered and uninsured, according to the Hartford Courant.

Wootton was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol. 

Both of those cases pale in comparison to that of Luciano Gutierrez.

In 2015, Gutierrez was arrested for his ninth drunk driving charge. The 66-year-old Texas man gave police a “good laugh” with his t-shirt, according to the Huffington Post.

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Unfortunately for Gutierrez, they weren’t laughing hard enough to keep them from booking him. According to KBTX, he was charged with a felony, as he has more than three DWI convictions.

The moral of these stories? Don’t wear stupid t-shirts while driving drunk. Better yet, don’t drive drunk at all. Although these are incredible mugshots, they’re certainly low points in the lives of the accused. 

And given that alcohol-related crashes accounted for more than 13,000 deaths in 2010 as reported by the Bureau of Transportation Statistics, an embarrassing mugshot is one of the better outcomes. To explain it through shirt-ready slogans: Drunk lives do matter, so don’t do dumb things.