According to Wedding Wire, 86 percent of couples announce their engagement on social media. There’s no better way to get your family and friends excited about your nuptials than to keep them updated on social media—but, by the same token, there’s no better way to go viral for being a bridezilla.
Recently, one bride allegedly sent out a very specific set of requests to her wedding guests, and the post quickly spread across the internet. Why? Well, we’ll let the post speak for itself.
“Hey everyone!” the woman wrote. “Who’s ready for Hawaii 2019?”
“In anticipation of the wedding, and believe me, I know it’s a long way away…but I would still like to announce the dress code!”
Of course, many weddings have dress codes.
That, in and of itself, wasn’t a problem. Unfortunately, the particular dress code is a bit…choosy.
“I am giving you a long notice of a year and a half so that you will have time to find and pick out something nice,” she continued. “The dress code is very specific because it will be used to create an incredible visual effect. If done right, it will make our synchronized dancing along the [location removed] beach really pop.”
The first big issue: The dress code was arranged by weight. Women weighing from 100 to 160 pounds were asked to wear a “green velvet sweater, orange suede pants, Louboutin heels,” and a “Burberry scarf.” Burberry scarves, by the way, typically cost $400 or more.
That wasn’t the only expensive requirement. The bride-to-be noted that the heels in question should be “the famous red-heeled shoes,” not just any Louboutin kicks. Why?
“When we spin and lift our feet, the effect will amaze you.”
That does sound amazing…amazingly expensive. The heels in question are likely Goyetta pumps, which retail at $1,395.
For men weighing from 100 to 200 pounds, the bride requested “a purple fuzzy jacket, soda hat, all-white trainers,” and “plain glow sticks.” We’re assuming that those plain glow sticks would be the cheapest part of the outfit. As for the “soda hat,” we’re not entirely sure what that means, but a quick Google search suggests that it’s literally a hat equipped with two soda can holsters (and a straw, of course).
Larger individuals were subjected to a different set of requests.
Women weighing more than 160 pounds would need “all-black sweaters and pants, any material,” along with “black heels.” Men weighing more than 200 pounds should wear “all camoflage [sic]” and “black sneakers.”
Children were asked to wear red from head to toe. The bride included this helpful note: “Remember, the kids will form the shape of a heart. It needs to be true red, not blood orange or some [expletive].”
That would certainly create an interesting visual effect.
“Additionally, we will require that you wear formal attire after the dancing has ended. Please bring a change of clothing. Remember, the venue is extremely upscale, and we want to be looking our absolute best, ladies and gents. Please, if you look like trash, so will we.”
Nevermind the fact that Hawaii’s average temperature ranges from 78-85° Fahrenheit, and that fuzzy jackets and velvet sweaters wouldn’t be comfortable in that environment. It is, after all, the bride’s big day.
“All jokes aside, we want you to invest in an outfit valued at at least $1,000,” she continued. “This includes jewlery [sic], accessories, makeup, and hair. Remember ladies and gents, this wedding is 24k-themed for a reason.”
She concluded her first post with a firm warning to her guests.
“You have a year and a half to get working. No excuses!”
The post quickly spread across the internet.
People on Reddit’s /r/choosingbeggars noted that the bride’s unusual requests were both unrealistic and tacky.
“I get this feeling this might be one of those weddings where everyone cancels when she tries to double check a month or so before the wedding, and then we’ll get the over the top drama post about how all her friends are a bunch of backstabbers,” wrote Reddit user Androsnian. “Can’t wait.”
“So they’re going to do a synchronized dance on the beach in high heels?” added mrsj74. “Good luck with that.”
The profoundly negative response eventually prompted a bizarre reply from the bride herself. According to a follow-up post, the bride discovered that her original dress code had gone viral, and she…didn’t take it well.
Her second post was much more confrontational than the first.
“Hello invitees!” the follow-up read. “It has come to my attention that someone went all the way down in this group’s creation to screenshot the dress code requirements. The screenshot was taken wildly out of context and has gone semi-viral.”
Fortunately, the bride decided to provide some context…after shaming her friends for sharing her story.
“I could not be more crushed, betrayed, or saddened,” she continued. “I trust each and every one of you so intimately. Knowing someone went behind my back and made fun of me is one of the worst feelings ever. And boy, will you be paying.”
“Therefore, I am announcing one of the most unique parties you will ever be invited to in your life (besides my actual wedding). In honor of the snitch who sold me out, I will be hosting the first ever Polygraph Party at my house, this Saturday at 8:00 p.m.”
“Bring your inner Sherlock Holmes, because we will be hunting out the snitch who put me on blast.”
“You think I’m kidding? I’m not.”
“We just bought a real polygraph test for $99 on Amazon.”
Not to disparage Amazon, but according to CostHelper, a typical lie detector test performed by a certified professional costs $200-$2,000, and professional polygraph equipment costs much more than $100. The American Psychological Association notes that the accuracy of polygraph tests is a subject of controversy.
“After the testing is over and we find the rat who did this, we will all celebrate with drinks and appetizers,” the bride wrote. “If you can’t make it to the Polygraph Party, you will be presumed guilty unless you can provide a valid excuse. We can make this party a unique and good one that will be told [sic] for years to come. I promise, as long as you’re innocent, you have nothing to worry about.”
“I highly suggest whoever did this just tell me. I won’t retaliate, I will simply cut all ties and communication with you (and talk s*** about you for a long, long time).”
To us, that sounds like a win-win. The bride also attempted to bribe her guests in order to sweeten the deal.
“If you have any information about who violated my trust and my wedding planning, I will give you $100.”
That’s almost enough money to buy 25 percent of a Burberry scarf.
Unfortunately, she didn’t stop there.
The unhappy bride finished her second post with some additional instructions for her guests.
“Next—if any of you are unhappy with the dress code requirements, it’s okay! You can come talk to me. Instead of participating in the dance, you can help the crew clean up after dinner, volunteer to take videos of our dance, or even contribute to the honeymoon. Anything counts.”
What’s better than flying to Hawaii to help a catering crew clean up while everyone else dances the night away? The woman also had some words for the internet commenters who didn’t approve of her wedding plans.
“Finally, I am outraged at the comments these internet trolls have made about the dress code. Do you f***** know me? Do you know why we are doing things this way? No? Then shut up! Go back down to your scum basement and play video games and never f****** make comments about people you don’t know. My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over 10 years of experience. You all know this. Our wedding colors, fabrics, and intimate synchronized dance are something we hold very dear to our hearts.”
As it turns out, the dress code has a strong symbolic significance.
“The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The black and camouflage outfits represents [sic] the aura of the devil that we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life-saving liquid. You get the picture.”
We certainly get it. “An abundance of life-saving liquid” sounds perfectly reasonable to us. However, we think it’s slightly offensive to ask your heavier friends to represent the aura of the devil.
The bride continued, explaining the significance of her spiritual connection with her husband.
“We met at a psychic’s desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy, as you all know,” she wrote. “Why not bring our traditions and beliefs into our wedding?”
“Would you show up at an Indian person’s wedding and make fun of their culture and their tradition? If not, don’t judge ours. Anyway, I am so tired [of] having to explain myself over and over. Please keep me updated.”
Naturally, her second post went viral on social media shortly after she posted it. Apparently, the “snitch” was still at large.
In a third post, the bride delivered the results of the polygraph party.
Somehow, this story didn’t end there. The bride apparently went through with her “party,” treating her guests to a night of laughter, games, and amateur interrogation.
“Many of y’all have been asking how Saturday’s Polygraph Party went,” she allegedly wrote. “It was fantastic. Attendance was 100 percent. I asked y’all simple questions such as ‘did you leak my dress code to the internet?’ and ‘do you secretly hate me?’”
In her defense, we start all of our parties by asking our friends those same questions.
“Friends, it is with only the deepest joy that I can announce the identification of the snitch,” she continued. “My former friend, Stephanie, was immediately removed from my property. She confessed to leaking my posts and ridiculing me online.”
No word on how Stephanie was removed from the property, but we’d love to speak with her. Stephanie, if you’re reading this, please get in touch.
“My original dress code has gone viral because of her and the outside world will never f****** understand thanks to Stephanie,” the bride wrote. “Good riddance! Now the Hawaii 2019 wedding can go on!”
Once again, she added some instructions for her guests, noting that the “soda hats” from the original post weren’t optional.
“Please buy your soda hats ASAP,” she wrote. We will be hosting another event in a few weeks in which we will be modifying them. If you would prefer a helicopter hat, by all means, go buy one. Time is of the essence.”
Oh, and just in case any guests mistakenly brought an $800 dress for dancing, the bride clarified one of the other parts of her dress code.
“Ladies, let me be clear. Your secondary outfit must total at least $1,000. We are 24k-themed, after all. Please submit photos of your synchronized dancing outfits no later than one month. I will be telling each and every one of you what is wrong and how to improve it.”
That sounds absolutely delightful. We’ll admit, these posts might seem somewhat hard to believe, but Reddit user CrushMyCamel—who shared the third screenshot—claimed that the story was authentic.
“I don’t know this lunatic or I would 100% go [to the wedding] just for all of you, but I do know people who know her so hopefully there is an update on it soon,” they wrote. “I hate that this wedding is still over a year away and we have to wait for that lucid nightmare for so long.”
Later in the thread, CrushMyCamel shared some of the responses from the wedding’s guests.
“I already declined when I heard about the dress code,” one guest allegedly wrote. “Don’t think I’ll ever go to another function again knowing I would have to pay for the ugliest freaking clothes ever or clean up as a guest.”
“[I] will only go to Hawaii to see my son, as he doesn’t tell me to wear heels on the beach. Also, you can’t get a ‘real’ polygraph on Amazon. Anyone who believes that is stupid. Professional spiritual healer my a**.”
“Telling people to spend an ungodly amount of money on tacky fabrics/color choices is [in] no way making anyone feel better. It’s just for you to laugh at years down the line, of how you conned your ‘friends’ into looking like a**** ‘dancing’ like dolphins on the sand in heels—did I mention heels on the beach, the sandy freaking beach?”
“So, I can guarantee it wasn’t me who snitched, but dang, I wish it was so you wouldn’t reach out to me for someone’s shoulder to cry on.”
The bride’s last post—or, at least, her last viral post—appeared two months ago, and we were unable to find an update. However, Reddit users continue to mock the bride for her apparent vanity.
“I love how she equates her spiritual healing profession (which could have quotation marks around it, to be honest) with Indian culture,” wrote avocadonoir. “I also love that they bought a $99 polygraph test from Amazon. And will assume anyone who doesn’t come or doesn’t want to come to their soon-to-be infamous Polygraph Party is guilty of betraying them.”
“But she won’t retaliate. That’s for non-spiritual people who are unenlightened. She’ll just cut you out of her life and talk mad s*** about you after doing so. Like someone at peace with the universe.”
Many commenters criticized the bride for equating her eccentric dress code with Indian culture.
“Well, when ‘idiot’ is a national origin with honorable traditions, I’ll stop making fun of your idiotic choices,” wrote Beeb29. “Until then, I straight don’t care. I don’t care why or what your rationale is. You dumb.”
Other commenters criticized the premise of the “polygraph party.”
“I love how she just assumes that everyone she invited to her wedding (who didn’t already pull out due to those ridiculous demands) has nothing better to do with their lives than waste a Saturday night on short notice and have her administer a polygraph test that she has no idea how to use,” wrote one Reddit user.
Another user pointed out the flaws of the bride’s original plan.
“They are expected to prance around like idiots in long sleeved velour shirts and suede pants?” asked IAmNotSushi. “Do you know how hot and humid it will be in the sun? There will be a waterfall of sweat rolling down their $5,000 Louboutins, which wouldn’t matter, since they will get all scratched up (or lost/stuck) in the sand.”
“The suede will be totally ruined, as will their change of formal clothes, due to the oodles of perspiration. Not to mention that all of us locals will be laughing our arses off at the stupid farce she is trying to do. You should let us know the time/date/place of the ‘event’ so we can get the news crew out there for a ‘human’ interest story.”
Alas, we couldn’t find any information on the actual wedding date. If that changes—or if other updates roll in—we’ll be sure to add the new info to this article.