We’re not trying to rip on soccer moms. They’ve got a tough job, after all—it’s not easy raising a kid, and when we think about trading in our premium sports car (a 2008 Ford Focus) for a minivan, we cringe. Soccer moms of the world, we thank you for your sacrifice.
With that said, we love to read about uncomfortable social situations, and when Reddit users shared their worst (and therefore best) soccer mom stories, we grabbed the popcorn and prepared for some truly epic tales of entitled moms. Here’s a few of the best, cleaned up slightly for grammar and readability.
1. When your story starts at McDonald’s, you know some shady stuff is going down.
“This one is a double whammy,” writes Letra5. “It’s a double whammy of epic proportions.”
The writer, a Mexican-American woman (that will become important later in the story), was waiting in line at McDonald’s with a friend when a large SUV pulled up.
“A small tribe of soccer kids enter the restaurant,” she writes. “I’d like to say 8-10 year olds. [They] go running to the playground while a rather thin, slanky woman (Hispanic, not white) walks towards the restroom.”
“She comes back, calls a kid over, and tells him something. The kid comes running [towards us] and asks if he can cut in line so he can get an ice cream cone. I stand there for a second, contemplating my response, because I fear I know where this s**t is going…but I cave and say, ‘Yes.'”
That turned out to be a big mistake. Hey, as the old saying goes: Give an 8-year-old soccer player an inch, and his mother will take a yard. Or, uh, something. The boy called his mom over, and she thanked Letra5 for letting her butt in. No big deal, right?
“She proceeds to take out her phone and call another lady asking what her kids are going to want. Eight more kids get there. At this point, I kindly ask her to let us get ahead of her, since we are only ordering two meals, and she is about to order about 20.”
Since this story appeared in a “worst soccer moms” thread and not a “most boring McDonald’s stories” list, you can probably guess what happened next.
“She turns around, yells ‘What did you just call me?’ at the top of her lungs, and starts a g*****n speech about how I am being disrespectful to her and her kids by using such language…in front of a packed restaurant.”
“In the most emotionless face I could muster, I told her that she used her child to get into the line, something everyone saw, and that she should feel ashamed of herself for causing a scene just so that she could try to make me embarrassed and skip the line.”
That’s when the mother accused Letra5 of being racist and loudly proclaimed that the woman should get kicked out of the restaurant “for being so disrespectful to the other customers.” Eek.
“How dare I try to come before a group of kids that just played a soccer game?” Letra5 recalled the mother saying. “They were tired and needed food!”
In her defense, soccer does burn a lot of calories, but that’s not really much of an excuse. After all, it’s not like McDonald’s takes that long in the first place—that’s sort of the point.
The restaurant’s manager came out of the back, obviously concerned because of the noise. The mother reiterated her demand—that Letra5 leave the McDonald’s immediately—and Letra5 tells the manager that she’s ready to call the cops on the soccer mom.
“She starts yelling for someone to call the cops, because she’s scared for her wellbeing,” Letra5 writes. “The manager reassured the lady that everything was going to be handled, and he apologized for any problems she might have encountered. I have no f***** idea why he decided to say that, since she is the one causing all this damn ruckus.”
As a quick aside, we love that people are still using the word “ruckus” in 2018.
“All this is holding up the line, and remember, we are in a packed restaurant,” she continues. “Other people start telling her to calm down, and they start backing me up. They offer to call the police for me. She starts yelling at everyone. This elderly lady in the next line—I’m talking about 65 or 70—asks my friend and I what we were going to order. We told her we just wanted some Big Macs, and she actually got our food. This was rad.”
Free Big Macs are always pretty rad, but the older woman’s response was sweeter than a thousand packets of Special Sauce.
“She then turns to the crazy soccer mom and tells her, ‘If you would have been ready with your order, you could have gotten your food just like everyone else. If you cared so much about your kids wellbeing, you would have taken them to eat healthier food. People like you make me sick. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but go sit on a tack. I feel sorry for your kids.”
Okay, we edited in the “go sit on a tack” part, because this is a family-friendly website. If you’ve ever gotten into an argument at McDonald’s, you know exactly what the older woman said.
This really should have ended the confrontation, but the soccer mom wasn’t going to let the insult stand.
“We could see it in her eyes,” Letra5 writes. “She was trying to think of something to say. She was about to go into another fit of rage…and then suddenly, she yells out, ‘My car!’ We all turn to see her SUV getting towed.”
“She runs outside, pushing her poor kid over, and again, in a similarly dramatic fashion, she begins pleading with the officer, using her children as a shield and excuse. She asked the cop ‘who was going to take them to the game they had in an hour?'”
That apparently wasn’t a convincing argument. The police towed the woman’s car, and after a few minutes of arguing, they put her in handcuffs—apparently, someone at the restaurant had called the police, and on his way into the restaurant, the officer noticed that the soccer mom’s vehicle was illegally parked in a handicapped spot.
“He was in the process of issuing a ticket, and all sorts of crazy [stuff] came out on her record. It turns out this lady didn’t have a license or insurance, she had various outstanding tickets, and she was involved in a hit and run.”
“In the end, we got free food and that [woman] got arrested. Now that was a dinner and a show.”
2. Some stories aren’t quite so eventful, but they’re just petty enough to be entertaining.
What do you do if you live by soccer fields, and you constantly find yourself fighting for your own parking spot with various soccer moms (and, we assume, soccer dads)?
“I used to live by a few soccer fields that always had games on the weekends,” writes user Ninjette847. “On multiple occasions, people parked their car in front of my driveway, completely blocking it. “I called the non-emergency police number multiple times, but they only did anything about a third of the time. Once, the people left their car windows open so I decided it was a perfect time to take the sprinkler out and water the grass.”
Hopefully, they didn’t have leather interiors. Then again…well, hey, if you’re parking someone in, you’ve got to know that you’re inviting disaster.
“I used to live near a ball field, and people would block my driveway all the time,” writes user flibbertygiblet. “One winter, it snowed a foot or so while I was gone. It was still snowing when I got home late, so I just plowed my car into the snow bank at the end of the drive to dig out in the morning.”
The next morning, he went to the store, but when he returned home, he realized that the soccer mom across the street had parked her minivan at the end of his driveway—in the spot he’d spent hours digging out. Apparently, she was too lazy to shovel her own spot.
“I went outside with a pen and flattened three of her tires, then called the police non-emergency line and told them they better come get the abandoned van in front of my house before the snow plows came through.”
He notes that he didn’t actually puncture her tires; he simply released the air through the valve, so he probably didn’t cause any permanent damage. Still, we wouldn’t recommend this as a form of petty revenge; if it’s not illegal, it’s at least slightly scummy. That doesn’t mean that it’s not satisfying, however.
3. For some reason, the best stories seem to happen in restaurants.
User merewautt is a hostess in a fairly popular restaurant. It’s usually packed, and there’s often a waitlist. If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, you know that it’s not the easiest job in the world—particularly when customers don’t understand the concept of a wait list.
“One day at work, this family of a soccer mom, dad, and three little monsters in their soccer gear walk in,” she writes. She told the family that there was a 15-minute wait for a table and offered to put them onto the waitlist. The mom was visibly annoyed, but she agreed to wait.
Go ahead and place your bets now: Was the mom patient enough to wait her turn?
“Less than five minutes later, she walks up and says that her family is in a hurry. She asks to be moved to first on the list. I ask my manager just to appease the mom, even though I know he’ll refuse. It’s against our policy, and we have other customers to think of.”
“So while they’re waiting, the kids are horrendous. They start knocking chairs over, being extremely loud, and stealing pens from my desk. I politely ask them to please return my pens—I needed them—and next thing I know, Psychomom is screaming at me for ‘daring to speak to her children that way,’ and telling me that her children ‘would never steal.’ I point out that the pens are right there in their hands, and she just kind of ignores me and tells me to leave her children alone.”
Fortunately, a good hostess knows that patience is the most important part of the job, so our hero did her best to diffuse the tension.
“I don’t want my manager involved again, so I just drop it and borrow a pen,” she writes. “Anyway, our restaurant is set up kind of like cafeteria, and all the tables can be seen from our wait area. Around this time, another group left their table. Before the table can even be cleaned so that I can seat the next group on the list, the mom and her family strut past me and sit down at the table.”
At that point, the hostess was about at the end of her rope. After all, the family isn’t just inconveniencing the waitstaff—they’re stealing time from the restaurant’s other patrons.
“As the family was extremely obnoxious, the other people on the list know exactly when they walked in, and they are very angry that the family just got a table,” she writes. “I tell my manager what they just did and that other customers are angry, and he walks over to inform them that he’s very sorry, but they must leave the table so the next group on the list can be sat.”
“Well, the mom loses it, and says that it’s ridiculous that they should have to wait—because they’re so important, I guess—and that we’ll be sorry we kicked her family out because they’re well off and will ‘spend more money than anyone else on that stupid list will.’
Hey, maybe they really did have a lot of money, but we’re going to go out on a limb and say that they were probably pretty poor tippers. We have to wonder whether they hit McDonald’s next.
4. For the best soccer mom stories, you need to turn to a soccer referee.
User Wizensparrow refereed for about eight years, and he says that he’s got plenty of crazy stories from that time. This one concerns a U16 game, which means that the players were 14- and 15-years old. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll call the teams “Red” and “Blue.”
“It was a championship game, so the guys were playing pretty intensely, and there were a number of cautions (yellow cards) given,” Wizensparrow writes. “There were five minutes left, and the score was tied 1-1.”
Emotions were running high, both on and off the field. Unfortunately, an illegal play forced the referee’s hand.
“A Blue player had a great chance at the goal, and the Red keeper was out of position. Just before the ball went into the net, a Red player reached out his hand and swatted the ball down.”
We’re not exactly sports fanatics, but even we know that you’re not allowed to use your hands in soccer.
“This is an automatic red card—an ejection—and a penalty kick. As I showed him the red card, he took it gracefully and left to grab his kit bag. However, one woman in the crowd—his mom—began yelling at me quite obnoxiously.”
He couldn’t simply kick her out, as referees can’t do much unless a fan starts cursing or threatening him. Instead, he tried to ignore the woman. That worked for about five seconds.
“Now, when a red card is given, the player must leave the field entirely. He can’t just go sit in the stands,” he notes. “So I wait to restart play with the penalty kick until the player has left. What I didn’t notice was that the kid’s mom had not left, so I place the ball down, and turn my back to address the kicker.”
“He suddenly points behind me, and as I turn, the ball hits me in the chest. The insane woman is standing there, eyes blazing with anger, cursing and shouting about how ‘I mistreated her boy.’ I was stunned, and really wanted to pick the ball up bash her in the face with it. However, that’s frowned upon by the referee’s association.”
“Unfortunately for her, one of the spectators was a cop who promptly came down and restrained her. He then called one of his on-duty buddies to come and take her away. The only other part of the story that was memorable came from the kid who got ejected. He approached me after the game and apologized for his step-mom, saying, ‘My actual mom was a lot cooler.'”
Yes, that’s an unexpectedly touching ending. We feel bad for the kid, but remember, everyone has bad days; maybe the mom was totally fine most of the time. Then again…maybe she drives an SUV and illegally parks in the handicapped spots at McDonald’s. Unfortunately, we’ll never know.