Who hasn't dreamed of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records? But what's a random weirdo to do if they can't run the furthest, jump the highest, or hold their breath the longest?
Answer: Just about anything.
It's been more than 60 years since the first edition of the Guinness Book of Records was published. In that time we've seen increasingly bizarre feats of human...stuff. Here are some of the most outlandish records ever to grace the pages of everyone's favorite library book.
1. The World's Heaviest Onion
Peter Glazebrook didn't have to cut into his onion to get the tears flowing. In fact, he could weep from pride alone. The farmer specializes in growing outsize veggies because, hey, somebody has to. In 2011, he unveiled a 17-pound onion. So far, no one has been able to top his Guinness-World-Record-holding accomplishment.
2. Most Toilet Seats Broken (With a Head)
If you haven't heard of Kevin Shelley, your elementary school should lose its accreditation. This hero of history pulled off an achievement that should be on the first page of every world history textbook: He broke 46 toilet seats with his head. This all went down in Cologne, Germany, in 2008. Welcome to your place in history, Mr. Shelley.
3. The Most Elastic Skin
Garry Turner can grab the skin of his stomach, pull, and stretch out a web of flesh that extends for 6.25 inches. His superpower comes from a physical disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which weakens the collagen that keeps connective tissues firm. Turner has held the Guinness Record for "stretchiest skin" since 1999.
4. Most Spoons On a Human Body
Next time you get bored, try sticking spoons to your shirtless torso. It's surprisingly fun. No matter how much you get into the hobby, though, you'll have a hard time catching up to Etibar Elchiyev. The Georgian man both created and won the record for sticking most spoons to his body in 2011. So what's the magic number? It is 50. Fifty spoons stuck to the bare skin of a human man. That's a thing.
5. The Most Bees (by Weight) Covering a Human Body
She Ping is not allergic to bee stings. At least, we hope not. In 2012, the Chinese honey seller somehow persuaded more than 330,000 bees to land on his scantily clad body. By weight, that's 73 pounds of buzzing bees, which was enough to break the previous Guinness Record of 59 pounds of bees. When is enough enough?
6. Tallest Mohawk
How punk does it get? Ask Kazuhiro Watanabe, a Japanese fashion designer who managed to grow a mohawk that extends 3 feet, 8.6 inches into the air above his head. By 2012, that dubious feat was enough to enshrine him in the Guinness Book of World Records.
To those of you who are rightly proud of your 3-foot mohawks, we are sorry to report this.