Men tend to be honest in ways they don’t even realize, especially when it comes to dating. As much as they try to play it one way or another, the truth is in their actions.
These eight actions all mean he’s probably not into you; if it turns out he is into you, after all, he’s hiding it very well and probably needs a refresher course on how to treat a lady. Take note.
He doesn’t ask about your life.
When two people like each other, there is an overwhelming curiosity that exists, a desire to get to know them—to know everything from little tidbits of their childhood to their greatest fears.
When that curiosity doesn’t exist and those questions aren’t being asked, or it seems as if they’re only being asked to be reciprocal or polite, then the reason is pretty obvious.
As Sabrina Alexis over at A New Mode explains, “If a guy wants you, you’ll know it. He won’t make it a mystery, he won’t try to confuse you. In fact, he’ll do the opposite, he’ll make it clear as day that he’s interested so as not to risk losing you.”
He texts only after midnight.
Well, he may be into you, but only for one reason. Maxim shows us the science between those late-night texts: “Your [orbitofrontal cortex], which is all about decision making and mate preference, is depressed by [drinks], and with your complex thought processes zonked out like that, all your brain is good for is eating, breathing, and mating. Basically, you turn into a primal [mating] machine.”
This also explains the non-science reason: He is texting because he wants some action and not a conversation. So he is kind of into you, but not all of you. Tread carefully.
He flakes on plans or cancels them altogether.
This could be a bigger issue than the possibility that he’s not into you, although it probably means that as well. According to Brent Roberts, professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Champaign, “[People who flake] are also lacking in conscientiousness—a fundamental personality trait that is equal parts industriousness, impulse control, organization, interpersonal responsibility, and conventionality.”
Meaning, in short, they just don’t really care. So even if he is slightly into you, the lack of conscientiousness means that he won’t ever put anyone else first because he literally isn’t thinking of you. If he was, then he wouldn’t flake, because you’d be his number one priority.
He doesn’t ask you to hang out.
If he doesn’t ask you to hang out, at least you know he’s not going to flake on you. He is just trying to be honest. The bummer is that his honesty means he really does not want to hang out with you.
Remember the Rule of Threes: If you ask someone to hang out three separate times and they don’t ask you once, then you should stop asking them. Whether or not they say yes or no, the planning should be mutual, especially when it comes to a relationship.
If you find yourself asking over and over, then he may only be hanging out with you because he has nothing better to do.
But if he isn’t asking, we have to agree with Meredith Goldstein over at The Boston Globe: “Actions speak louder than words, so don’t even bother with asking for explanations. He’s just not that into you. He’d be moving heaven and earth to see you if he really was into you.”
He never says your name.
This is a new one we came across, but after some thinking, it’s definitely a unique idea we can get behind. Think about this: How many times have you been intimately involved with someone and you get to that point where you no longer really use each other’s names, almost like it’s just a mental connection?
Yet, when it’s a time of love or hate, saying the other’s name is a sign of raw emotion. Something like, “Please [name], just give me some space,” or “[Name], that was the nicest thing someone has ever done,” or even, “[Name], do you have anything to say for yourself?” We use it to emphasize what we are saying and use it as a sign of importance.
LovePanky further addresses this idea, “Addressing a person using their name throughout a conversation can elicit feelings of attraction. If you notice, people who are guarded and don’t want to initiate a conversation will refrain from using your name as much as possible. People who like you will try to use it as often as possible to feel closer to you and to get used to the idea of addressing you on a more personal level.” Spot on.
He’s always saying “my ex.”
We all have exes. Hopefully, they don’t cause too much baggage and things are amicable between them. But, if he keeps making comments about his ex, there is something more to think about here, and it’s not great news.
Imagine if you ask about a certain film and he says “Oh, yeah, I saw that movie with my ex.” Why is he labeling her as his ex? Why can’t he just say “my friend” or “someone I know” or even make it singular, “Yeah, I saw that movie”?
Tarrin Andrews at Thought Catalog thinks that while he may not still be in love with his ex, surely something isn’t right. “Constantly referencing an ex is an indicator that he might not be over it, of course. The thing about this is that it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you. You’re fantastic and he knows it but severing the emotional sinew of past relationships isn’t easy. It’s a delicate game to play and more often than not, you lose.”
He repeats the same stories.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have a horrible memory and this can happen without meaning to. However, I try to do my best with repeating myself and also with remembering things about someone, especially in the beginning.
So, if the guy keeps repeating his stories, forgetting yours, or mixing yours up with other stories, this may be a major sign that he is either not paying attention or he is seeing other people.
The most important thing is how he handles it; as eHarmony says, “Does he tell the same stories over and over, so disconnected from the conversation that he’s not even listening to himself? Are important dates repeatedly forgotten or shrugged off? It’s one thing to forget a birthday; it’s another altogether to forget a birthday and not really care.”
He doesn’t face you.
There is actual science about the way we position ourselves with someone we want to be romantically involved with. Think about it: When you sit next to a friend, you opt for a bar seat and both stare into the bar. But with someone you care about, you probably position the stools differently, legs maybe intertwined; your focus is on their face and eyes.
With evidence from Dr. David Givens, who wrote Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship, Lovepanky claims, “Men and women who are attracted to someone are unconsciously drawn to face that person at all times. This means they inadvertently place themselves facing the person they like without noticing it.” Dr. Givens suggests, “Where the toes point, the heart follows.”
So, if he’s staring at you and not the bar or the television, then he is into it; if he has wandering eyes, then it is quite literally a sign to move on.
